Never Let Go
by Ziver69
Summary: This is a crossover(Triple actually) but I didn't want it to get lost in crossover land. It is NCIS/CSI/One Life To Live. Please read Author's note for more explanation. Summary: Three friends struggling to put their lives back together. Alaska and a road they never pictured themselves on may be just what they need to start over.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, this is really different then anything I've posted here. For starters, it's a triple crossover; NCIS/CSI/One Life To Live (For those of you not familiar with the latter, it's a soap opera.) Second, toss out most timelines cause this is absolutely AU. I began writing this fic quite a while ago and posted it on another, soap based, site. A lot of people have dropped off and I feel the desire to continue the story. So, I am posting it here in hopes that you all will enjoy it. Main characters will be: NCIS-Jethro, Tony and Abby. CSI-Grissom and Sara. OLTL-Bo and Nora. I don't want to make this AN any longer so if you have any questions along the way, please feel free to PM me. And please leave a review so I know whether I should continue to post. I do have at least 9 finished chapters.

Almost Forty-five damn years old and he wasn't sure if he was going to make it to the bathroom in time. He struggled to push the anger down yet again. After all, he thought bitterly, he didn't have time to find something to throw across the room AND make it to the can in time to not piss himself. Shoving his sweats past his hips he dropped to the toilet seat, breathless and angry as hell; tucked bitterly and relieved himself. They had learned the hard way that he didn't have the strength and coordination yet to actually make it to the bathroom, remain standing without the walker and pee all at the same time; so he was forced to sit on the toilet and pee like a damn girl. He let his head drop to his chest, allowing his breathing to begin to return to normal. "Add some tits and I'll be all set." he grumbled.

The silence was broken by the sound of his wife coming back into their bedroom. He immediately heard her at the bathroom door. His body tensed in renewed anger mixed with the rush of shame and regret at being angry with her. She was doing nothing wrong. He had no right; no reason to be angry with her for checking on him. He knew this and yet he couldn't stop himself from feeling it. Sometimes he wished that since the bullet hadn't done the trick, that the 45 foot drop into the river had finished him off as it had appeared to end his career.

"Bo, sweetheart, you OK in there?" Nora waited in silence for an answer, fighting the urge to push through the door to quiet her fears. It had been the longest two months of her life and she felt every second of it. "You need anything?"

My fucking life back! he thought. "No, I'm fine." he called to the door, working to keep the bitter edge out of his voice. "Just taking a breather from that five foot marathon."

"You should have waited for me. I would have helped you." The words slipped from her mouth before she thought about it. She braced for impact, knowing what was coming.

"I can damn well piss on my OWN, Nora!" He wanted to pull the words back in as soon as they flew out of his mouth. She didn't deserve it. He was just so angry and he didn't know what to do with it.

Her hand came up to rest on the cool wood of the door. Even though she knew it was coming, that didn't mean that the backlash didn't still sting. "I know you can, honey." She forced her voice not to tremble. "I'm sorry." The last was nearly whispered.

"Nora..." she didn't hear him as she had already started to speak again, telling him she was going to start dinner and to call her if he needed anything. He heard her footsteps brush across the carpet of their bedroom and then the distinct sound of her shoes on the wood of the hallway floor before he felt the tear slip down his cheek. "I'm sorry, Red." he whispered.

"You sure you want to do this, Gunny?"

"Only if you're sure you want to give it up?"

The two men stared at each other over the rising steam of their coffee mugs.

The elderly man let his gaze drift to the huge bay window. Glorious wilderness greeted his old eyes as he let the years and memories wash over him. "I don't want to give it up Gunny, but I can't do it anymore. I thought all I needed was a little break; catch my breath...do some repairs and then start again. It was an old man's pipe dream. This place is in my blood but it needs new blood. No...the Brandt's built this place to thrive and show people the beauty of this land. It's wasting away with me and that's just worse than dyin' for a Brandt."

Gibbs took a deep breath and laid a gentle hand on the old man's shoulder. "Gus, I could just stay on an help you out."

Gus Brandt turned and smiled at the younger man he thought of like a son. "Leroy, it's like taking off a band-aid. Only a fool drags it out longer than need be. It's time. No more Brandt's to pass it on too, but you know I've always...well, you know. Your Dad is like a brother to me. This place is yours now."

"At least let me get a loan..."

The old man cut him off with a firm shake of his head. "This place is gonna need enough repair to warrant a loan. You'll not take out two. Spend the money on improvements. Make this better than it's ever been. Show people how beautiful our island is. Let this place heal you, Leroy. That's all the payment I need."

Gibbs hugged the older man close, not something he was typically known for-showing his emotions was not a characteristic often described where Leroy Jethro Gibbs was concerned. He had his moments with those he was especially close too, but he'd never really gone out of his way to show it; not since his girls. "It already has, Gus. More than you know."

One week later...

Gibbs dialed the number and listened to the ringing until a familiar voice finally picked up.

"Grissom."

"Gibbs."

"Jethro? How are you? How's Alaska?"

"Better...and looking permanent." Gibbs offered.

"Okay, that's vague even for you. What do you mean, "permanent" ?"

"Gil, I have a proposition for you. Think it might be the answer to all our "situations."

A brief moment of silence ensued as Gil puzzled over his long time friend's comments.

"Our situation?" he finally asked, fishing.

"Sara gone. You're burning out. Take a break. Come to Alaska."

"What?!"

"Didn't stutter, Gilbert."

"Alright, no you didn't. But you want me to just drop everything and take a vacation with you in Alaska?"

"No, Gus left the place to me. Needs some fixing up to get it ready for guests again. Not looking to take guests until next season but I could use the help and some partners. Not a vacation; a business proposition."

Now Grissom was stunned. Leave CSI? Move to Alaska? Go into an Alaskan Adventure business? "Jethro...I...wow."

"At least come for a while. Give me a hand with things. Give yourself a break. If ya don't wanna stay on then, hell, at least ya got a decent vacation out of it and hopefully got yer head cleared. Besides," he paused, "who else is gonna help me convince Bo and Nora to come out here?"

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

"Bo, I'm not saying no, I just..." Nora tried again only to be interrupted a third time.

"Well, that's a relief because for a second I heard an _N_ and an _O_ come together in what sounded like the English version of _No_." he snapped, his frustration climbing steadily. "I mean, a guy who's as close to a brother to me as a guy can get just went through the worst time of his life all over again, combined with being blown the hell up AND losing his memory of the last decade plus and I couldn't even be there with him. Now he asks me AND YOU to come help him and you say NO...but not really no. Wanna explain it to me?!"

Nora took a steadying breath, trying not to get sucked into Bo's anger. At the same time she was trying to keep control of the tears begging to be turned loose. It felt like the harder she tried, the farther away he drifted. "I wasn't saying no, Bo. I said, "No, I don't think NOW is the right time." Bo, you've only been out of the hospital for a month and a half now. It's only been two and a half months since you were shot and fell off a bridge. You're just starting to build your strength and endurance back up. The physical therapy is..." This time Nora bit her lip when he interrupted.

"Is scheduled to be less intrusive and more home bound. In two weeks, I'm going to be doing them here with a therapist. Pretty sure they have them in Alaska."

"On a remote island with one lodge not currently in operation, an hour and a half from civilization by ferry and half an hour by float-plane." The frustration she felt was starting to reach a boiling point.

"Half an hour is doable. Sometimes being a Buchanan does have it's benefits, in case you've forgotten!"

"No, I haven't forgotten. Have you forgotten that you get winded walking 15 feet and still need help?! You almost DIED, Bo! And it's a miracle you weren't paralyzed! Have YOU forgotten that?! WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A HURRY TO GET THERE NOW?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO HELP WITH THAT CAN'T WAIT?!"

Bo flinched as if she'd physically struck him. Heavy silence filled the room. In a voice that was eerily calm, Bo addressed his wife. "I get that I'm virtually useless as a man.." his eyes stopped her as she started to protest, "..in more ways then one. So, maybe I won't be climbing any ladders or doing a general amount of physical labor, but I do happen to be the son of a pretty damn successful business man. I may not have chosen that path, but it doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two about business. In case you've forgotten, I used to run a pretty successful radio station before becoming commissioner. I CAN help. Furthermore, I AM going to help. Last time I checked, you're my wife but not my mother. You don't get to choose for both of us. You were invited too. Come with me. Don't come with me. It's your choice. But DO NOT tell me I can't go."

Gil Grissom was not an impetuous man. He took great comfort in the well thought out, meticulous plan. His was a world of logic. He was confident in that world. Surrounded by his science and evidence, he didn't have to question himself. He didn't stand in front of the mirror pondering if there was more silver in his hair today than yesterday. He didn't second guess the clothes he had on, wondering if they made him look older. He certainly didn't rehearse conversation starters so he didn't look like a fool and he never worried about whether or not he had any right to lust and long after a beautiful, young woman 11 years his junior.

Yes, science and evidence solidified his world. Neat. Simple. That was what his world had been and the loneliness had been easily dressed up and classified as driven toward success...until five years ago when he'd looked up from his lecture podium early one Tuesday morning and into the most gorgeous, warm pair of chocolate brown eyes he'd ever seen. He'd always enjoyed being a guest speaker and he'd looked forward to giving lectures at Berkley as much as he had for the last two years. He'd needed a break from the crime lab. Vegas and her entourage of disparaging criminals and sadists was weighing heavy those previous weeks and the lecture was a welcome break. If he'd had any idea the beauty staring back at him that day had been waiting...he may have run all the way there.

Nothing in his life had been the same since Sara Sidle flashed that million dollar smile at him. He'd tried like hell to tell himself that he was simply fascinated with her hunger for knowledge in the field; her grasp on the subject and brilliance in working a scene. But the truth was he was in love. He tried to fight it, oh how he'd fought it. He'd left that lecture series without the kiss he'd wanted desperately, without the knowledge of what making love to Sara would be like. A year and a half later, he'd convinced himself that the only reason he was asking her to come to Vegas was because he needed someone he could trust to investigate Warrick's actions at a crime scene which led to a rookie dying. When she joined his team, him being the newly appointed supervisor on grave, he'd told himself that it wouldn't be a problem; he could have a platonic relationship with her without a problem and she would get over this "crush" she had on him.

He'd been an idiot. He was in love with Sara and she was in love with him. All the denying in the world did him no good. In finally giving in, those years later though it was, he'd found a wholeness he'd never known. Gil Grissom had learned what it felt like to love completely and to be loved the same way in return. It was amazing...until it was taken from him. Or had he lost it? He still wasn't sure. It was as if one day his world was filled with love and happiness and then Natalie was there. The Miniature Killer; she took his Sara...took her into the desert to let her die; alone, pinned under a car. But Sara, his Sara, had fought her way free of that cold, metal tomb. They'd searched and searched while Sara had trudged through the desert, determined to find her way back home. Nick found her. His heart had leaped for joy when they got the call over the hand held radio. He was pretty sure he'd thrown Catherine against the side of the door when he'd cranked a U-turn in the lab issued Denali; sand flying and tires spinning to gain purchase. Her physical recovery was pretty fast considering. Emotional recovery was different; very different. They ended up on different shifts after their relationship was discovered. She became withdrawn with cases and it came home with her more and more. Like a fool, he'd told himself that everything was okay, that she just needed time to adjust to the new shift. And then he'd gotten that letter; the one that ripped his heart out.

So now here he was, his life, or what he could fit of it, packed into a large suitcase and a carry-on, standing at the airport. The rest of what he needed packed in a few boxes to be shipped.

With a sigh he dialed her number and waited, hoping. He was disappointed but not surprised when the call went to voicemail. For a period of about two months, they'd talked more often on the phone. But she could sense how close he was to asking her to come home, begging her to let him fight the ghosts of her past together. She had stopped calling as often. And he ended up leaving more and more messages that got returned less frequently.

"Hi Sara... it's me. I don't know if you're getting these or not, but if you are I needed you to know where I am. It's a long story. Anyway, you remeber me telling you about Jethro...well, you know what happened. What you don't know is that he's been in Alaska at a friend's for about eight weeks now. He, um, this is the long story part. He needs some help and I need a break so I'll be in Alaska. Raspberry Island in the Kodiak Islands. Very remote. Actually we're the only inhabitants." He realized he was waiting to hear her voice and that just wasn't going to happen, so with a deep breath he gave her the phone number and address, told her again that he loved her and said good-bye.

"It's been two days, Bo. How long are you going to stay angry with me?"

"I'm not angry with you. I just...this is hard enough without feeling like I'm being babied by my wife."

Nora dropped to her knees in front of the bed beside him. "I'm not trying to baby you. I want to help. I want to be here for you, to take care of you until you're stronger." Tears streamed down her face as she clutched his hands. "Don't you understand how MUCH I love you. Six years of marriage and you don't get that you're my world. You're everything to me! You're the man I want to spend..." She jumped when he pulled his hands away abruptly, nearly screaming at her.

"But I'm NOT a man, am I?! Not anymore!" Bo turned away from her. The shock and hurt in her eyes coupled with his own heartache and self-loathing making it impossible for him to look in her eyes. He curled into himself a little more when he felt her arms around his back.

"Bo, Larry said it would take time. It's...there's no reason for us to believe that it won't return to normal."

"And there's no guarantee that it will." His voice was barely a whisper.

"Larry said it's the trauma; the location of the gunshot and the trauma of the fall. He doesn't have any reason to believe that you won't get...that you'll be able to...your body just needs time to recuperate."

"You can't even say it." he mumbled.

"Bo, I can. It's just..."

He turned again, grabbing her by the shoulders; forcing her to stay eye level. "Then say it!" he commanded.

Fresh tears swam in her eyes. "Bo...please"

"Say it. Or can't you because you know as well as I do that I may never make love to you again!"

"Bo..."

"Your husband's broken, Nora! You can say it! I can't get a hard on! This..." he motioned at himself, "is nothing but a useless piece of flesh between my basically useless legs!"

She sprang from the floor and ran from the room. Bo screamed to the ceiling, something between a howl and a plea. He'd known pain in his life, physical and emotional; he'd never known pain like this. He felt like nothing; like everything he was had been stripped from him. He could hardly walk. He would never have the same mobility that he once had, 90% at best. Running was possible but it would fall into the leisurely category. His career as police commissioner was dead. Five years as commissioner and it was over; the first job since his Army days where he felt like he'd really been making a difference. And on top of it all, he had no idea if he'd ever make love to his wife again.

Sobs choked him, tears running down his face and into his ears as he lay on his back and wept. "Not a man." he whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut against the anguish and wondered again when it would stop.

TBC...


	3. 3 Reality, Rules, and Regrets

Thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing; it's awesome to hear from you all. Now, anyone who's also reading Over The Edge...some of this is gonna sound very familiar. This story has laid dormant for quite some time now and apparently, I have a thing for tradgedy befalling Tony's college buds and ...well, you'll know what I mean. I hope it still keeps everyone's interest.

2am...

Nora walked with quiet steps into the bedroom. The light was still on and Bo's back was to her but she could tell by his deep, steady breathes that he was asleep. She changed for bed and quietly slipped under the covers. She looked at her husband's sleeping face. He'd been crying and where his face used to look so peaceful in sleep, it was now marred by a constant look of sadness. She wanted to hold him but she was afraid he'd pull away. He pulled away so much these days. Silently, she reached over and turned out the light. They'd go to Alaska. Maybe, just maybe, it would be what Bo needed to help himself start healing.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the timbers of the ceiling. Sawhorses and lumber along with various other tools surrounded him, casting shadows in the vast room. Deconstruction and then reconstruction. Tearing down the old, getting rid of the rot and then building anew; stronger. This place was just like him. He only hoped that this would be the final time he had to rebuild his life. He could deal with the blood and sweat. Hell, blood and sweat was good for the soul; made a man know his worth. It was the tears he had a problem with because the tears went hand in hand with the heartache and Gibbs didn't know if he could stand much more.

The last several weeks had started to get easier, in some ways. His memory of the last fifteen years was coming back. It seemed now that each day brought a new memory. Some were of his team...ex team, he reminded himself. Most made him smile. But with those memories also came regret. He didn't regret leaving NCIS. He couldn't stay. Not just because of the memory loss. He couldn't stay because of the betrayal, and that was how he saw it. Jen had betrayed him when she didn't back him that night. When she'd stood silent at his side while that pompous ass had allowed innocent servicemen and women to die to avoid bad publicity. He's struggled to get his memory back, his team had scrambled to find answers to stop a terrorist and all of it had been for nothing. He couldn't stay after that. What he regretted was how he left. He'd handed Tony his gun and his badge, told him "You'll do" and that it was his team now, told McGee that he was a good agent, told Ziva he owed her and kissed Abby on the cheek and then he asked Ducky to give him a ride home and left them with a final "Semper Fi". He'd really lived up to the second "b" in Gibbs is for bastard that day, even if it hadn't been his intention.

For what felt like the millionth time since he woke up at Bethesda Naval Hospital, he wondered what Shannon would have said to him. "She would have head slapped you and told you what an idiot you were the way you left them." he thought to himself. And she would have been right. One of his rules, You don't waste good, and they were good; no-they were the best. And more than that, they were his family. He could only imagine how hurt, probably angry at him that they were. And here he was...Mr. Stone Cold Marine; supposed to be braver than the brave, afraid to call because he didn't know what to say, didn't know how they'd react and they deserved an apology. But that would mean breaking one of his precious rules again; Never say you're sorry, it's a sign of weakness. He could almost feel the head slap from Shannon again. He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. "Don't know what to do Shann. Don't know how to make it right." He felt his chest constrict as a wave of loneliness washed over him. "Miss you."

Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard flipped the last of the lights off in Autopsy and draped his jacket over his arm as he headed for the elevator. The M.E. sighed as he leaned back against the wall of the elevator. He didn't consider himself old by any stretch of the imagination but the events of the last several months left him feeling every one of his years tonight. He'd watched, feeling helpless, as the team had pushed through their latest case. A Petty Officer had been the victim of a brutal attack that left his wife dead and he with no memory of the previous five years of his life. He could not remember the wife he was supposed to grieve nor the six month old son he would now parent by himself. The team had worked the case tirelessly. Their own recent experience with the tragedy of watching a loved one lose his memory lighting a fire in their bellies that would not allow them to rest until the perpetrator was caught and behind bars. But he had painfully witnessed the dull haunting in their eyes as each waded through their grief over their own loss. He may not be dead, but he was gone just the same. "Damn you Jethro." the Scotsman cursed. "They need you, more now then ever."

Tony ran his fingers through the soft brown locks and smiled softly at the sleeping boy. Nobody told him it would feel like this. Well, in all honesty, he had to admit to himself, if they had he wouldn't have believed them. After all, Anthony DiNozzo was not father material. He didn't do kids. Well, he hadn't until six weeks ago. Nobody ever told you that when you sign up for Godfather duty that you just might actually end up taking care of the kid. Okay, so they had. That was after all the reason for the position, but it was like joining the reserves. Sure you know that there COULD be a war and that you COULD be activated but nobody really believes it will happen to them...UNTIL you get those orders and the next thing you know you're in desert camo slugging it through the hot sands of Hades with an M-16 in your hands and an MRE gurgling in your gut. So, of course when his best friend from college and his wife had asked Tony to be there son's Godfather, he'd happily said yes. Then that fateful morning came when he got the call. Danny and Michelle had been killed in a car accident when another car ran a red light and hit them head on. Both had been only children with no surviving relatives. Three year old Benjamin Ryan Richards was now Tony's sole responsibility. In the six weeks that followed, Tony got a crash course in child care from Ducky, boundless support from the team, especially Abby, and a roller coaster of emotions that left him exhausted. He'd been through grieving the loss of his friends, scared shitless at the idea of raising a child, adjusting his life and schedule both personally and professionally around raising said child on top of still adjusting to leading the team, to total astonishment at how someone so small could so completely and utterly change your entire life. No one in his life had ever taught him so much. Gibbs had been the only one to even come close but what Gibbs had taught Tony was so different; no less valuable, but different. Ben taught him what it was to feel unconditional love, something he'd never experienced before and something he thought he was incapable of. His parents certainly had never taught him or shown him for that matter. He watched now as the little man that had changed his world softly huffed out a breath and snuggled deeper into his covers. Tony bent and kissed his forehead before he backed out of the room and closed the door. He was halfway to the living room when he heard his front door open.

"Ah, if it isn't my favorite Mistress of the Night." Tony kissed Abby's cheek as he took the bags of take out from her arms and placed them on the coffee table. "What's for dinner tonight my Gorgeous Goth?"

"Thai." Abby replied, slinging her coat over the back of the couch.

Tony began taking containers from the bag as he eyed the woman he thought of as a sister. She was tired. It had been a long three days but it was more than that; they'd all been raw over this case. Reminded them too much of Gibbs and the fact that no one had heard from him since that "Semper Fi" at the elevator. Tony pulled out the plastic forks from the bag, "Plates or are we roughing it and going straight from the containers?"

Without a word, Abby pulled Tony down to the couch and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Containers it is." he said softly, wrapping an arm around her and tugging her close. "Me too, Abs, me too."

TBC...


	4. Plumbing and Other Issues

Sorry, it's a short one. I still don't own anything.

Three days earlier, Gil stepped off a ferry on the Raspberry Island Straight. The hour and a half ferry trip from Kodiak left him in awe. He'd thought he'd seen true beauty in the rain-forest as a college student, and it was still one of the most beautiful places on earth as far as he was concerned. The wilds and breathtaking beauty of Alaska, however, were quickly becoming something to rival the rain forest. And that was even through the thick fog of the day. As he'd waited for the ferry to leave, there'd been a delay. The fog was rolling in quickly and the Coast Guard was deciding whether to ground the ferry until it lifted. Twenty minutes later, the wind shifted and the go ahead was given. Regardless, it had encroached on visibility. But even the glimpses of the towering snow covered mountains and the swelling waves were enough to tell Grissom that on a clear day it would be difficult to describe the beauty of this place. It was these thoughts that made him long to share this with Sara and he missed her even more. This was the feeling that he'd avoided for the better part of his adult life, the very thing that had kept him from sharing his feelings for Sara for such a long time; the sheer and devastating knowledge that another person held your very soul...and then to have that person walk away with it. He wanted her back so much it nearly crippled him. Stepping off the ferry, he pushed the ache down deep and took in his surroundings. Just beyond the dock he stood on was a shoreline comprised of rock and shells. A short wooden staircase led to a vast lawn of grass. Beyond it, at a distance he could just make out the outline of buildings through the fog. Making his way to the end of the dock, he watched as a figure appeared from the mist. He smiled at the man at the top of the stairs.

"Just what the hell have you gotten me into, Jethro?" he called. An arm beckoning him forward was the only response he got. Hefting his bags, he made his way toward his friend.

Three days earlier...

"So, what's the word, Larry?"

"Well, Bo, you seem to be making good progress."

Bo frowned. "Yeah, now, wanna tell me exactly what that means."

Larry sighed and situated himself on the stool by his friend's side. "We've been over this, Bo. There is no quick fix or a pill that will make this any faster. Your body went through..."

"Dammit Larry, I know! And if one more person tells me that my body went through a horrible trauma and that it's going to take time and that I need to stay positive and be patient, I'm going to lose my damn mind! You're not the one who needs a nap just from getting out of bed and dressed in the morning! If anybody knows what a slow road this is, IT'S ME!"

"Alright, Bo, alright. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to tell you. Your injuries are healing as well as can be expected and your making as much progress as I'd hoped. I can't tell you any more." He hated the look of defeat in Bo's eyes but there was no sense in filling him with false hopes of a faster recovery. "Nora tells me you two are taking a trip."

"You gonna tell me not to?"

Larry recognized the determined look. It wasn't so much a question as a challenge for the doctor to try and dissuade him at his own risk. "There's no reason for you not to. But, I don't need to tell you you need to take it easy. Nothing too strenuous and you have to keep up with your therapy."

"I know."

"Good. Now, how is everything else?"

Bo leveled Larry with a hard glare. "That your delicate way of asking if my plumbing's working yet, doc?"

"I realize it's a sensitive subject, Bo but a necessary one. So, yes, I'm asking."

Bo gritted his teeth. "Then the answer is no. It's not working. Got a pill for THAT?"

"It's not that easy. A pill wouldn't work. We've been over this too, Bo. It's just going to take time. As the swelling recedes permanently and your body heals it will lesson the stress. We don't have any reason to believe at this point that you shouldn't be able to achieve full erectile function once you've recovered more."

"Right now I'd settle for half mast."

"Bo, you know there are other...things, ways for you and Nora to maintain..."

"Jeez, Larry! We are NOT having this conversation!"

"Bo, you can't allow this to create a wedge in your marriage! You and Nora love each other. Sex is not the be all of marriage but it is a healthy part of it. Impotency is stressful enough without avoidance. When's the last time you and Nora were intimate?"

"Not that it's any of your business, Dr. Woleck, but it's kinda difficult to be intimate with your wife when you can't get it up!"

"Intimacy is deeper then penetration, excuse the pun. And if you're truly concerned with satisfying Nora in that capacity, there are "aids" you can use."

"Toys." Bo said flatly, quickly losing his patience with this topic. It was humiliating enough to know without talking about it. Not to mention it cut him to the core every time he thought about touching her. He knew it shouldn't but it only reminded him of how utterly he was failing her and he just couldn't do it. It had been months since he'd touched his wife romantically and it was killing him. "Well, hell Larry, we'll just get a fucking vibrator and then what does she need me for!"

"Bo," Larry tried only to have Bo push up from his seat, leaning heavily on the walker and make his way to the door.

With barely contained anger, "We're done here Dr. Woleck! Please get me a list of therapists for Alaska. We're leaving in a week!"

He pushed open the door and didn't stop when Nora stood up. She looked at Bo and then back at Larry, who shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

"Bo?" she called after him.

"I'm going to the car. Meet me there when you're done checking up on me."

TBC...


	5. Dancing Around It All

Sorry to all who've been following for the long wait in posting. To make up for it, I'll post two chapters tonight. Please, if you read, take the time to review even if it's short and sweet.

The sun was setting behind the enormous bay window at their backs as Grissom ladled generous portions of homemade beef stew into bowls while Jethro sliced thick slices of warm bread.

"So, he did sound good." Gil set the bowls down on the bar and waited for Jethro to fall into the seat across from him. Seconds later his friend did just that.

"Yes... No."

"Mind picking one, Jethro?"

"At times he sounded fine. But there were moments when he sounded - really bitter."

Gil swallowed some stew and brought another spoonful toward his mouth. "The guy did get shot, fall off a bridge, almost die, barely escape being paralyzed and no longer has the career he loved. I believe he's earned a little bitterness." It was then that he noticed the far away look in the marine's eyes. "What? Jethro - what is it?"

"He's losing himself." Jethro's voice was barely audible.

"What makes you say that?" Gil didn't doubt Jethro's statement. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was one of the most intuitive men he'd ever known, when he wanted to be, but this seemed to be more than a simple observation.

"Because that's how I sounded. After Shann and Kelly. I blamed myself - not being there - I, uh, felt like I had let them down; that I had failed them. If I could fail the two most important people in my life - then I didn't know who in the hell I was anymore. That's how he sounded." He met the worried eyes of his friend. "He's in trouble."

The two men finished their meal in contemplative silence.

Bo moved slowly from the bathroom to the bed. He had progressed to using a cane for small amounts of time instead of the walker. He still had to rely on the walker for longer durations or if he was traversing different levels. Tonight he needed it; he was utterly and completely exhausted. He'd pushed the limits with therapy earlier that afternoon, despite his therapists' warning. He just couldn't stand feeling like an invalid. While the rational part of his brain knew that his closest family and friends, most of all his wife, were right in saying that time would heal him; the other part of his brain, the insecure part, taunted him daily - even invading his dreams sometimes. It told him that he was useless. He wasn't a cop, wasn't a man - wasn't a husband. It told him he was failing the only person who mattered more than life itself. That voice in his head sing song-ed that a woman as amazing as his wife deserved a REAL man, one who could protect her, do things with her, and make love to her. He was nothing but a gimp who wouldn't be able to stop a wet noodle from attacking her and couldn't satisfy her in a way that a man should be able to please his wife.

He groaned inwardly when he looked up to find Nora in the midst of her nightly routine. Normally he timed it just right so that by the time he finished up in the bathroom, she was already under the covers. However, tonight he'd been so tired that he'd forgone his shave and opted to get to bed as soon as possible. This put him smack dab in the middle of a powerful visual; Nora smoothing lotion across the mile long legs he loved. His heart pounded behind his ribcage, his stomach curled into knots at the sight. He swallowed hard and averted his eyes, keeping them on the floor in front of him as he made his way to the bed.

Quick as the moment was, it was not missed by Nora. She watched his eyes drop to the floor where he kept them trained until he made it to the bed and then turned and sat with his back to her. There was a time when he would have stopped what he was doing just to watch her rub the lotion on her legs. Now he couldn't look away fast enough. He used to tell her how much he loved watching her "night ritual"; he would talk to her about his day while she brushed her hair out, sometimes even brushing it for her. Many nights he'd lay on his side on the bed while she put lotion on her arms and legs, so close she could almost feel his breath on her exposed flesh. But now - he wouldn't even look at her. She even suspected that he purposefully timed his nightly routine so that she was already in bed by the time he came out of the bathroom. Where once her husband could hardly keep his hands off of her, he now hardly touched her. She got a brief hug now and then and a chaste, barely there kiss at night. This was tearing her apart inside and she didn't know what to do anymore. She wanted to scream at him sometimes, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Just at the moment she thought she would, she'd remember how he'd looked lying in that hospital bed, fighting for his life. She would remember how terrified she'd been that she would lose him forever and the angry words would die in her throat. Instead, she would cry herself to sleep. She had a feeling tonight was going to be another one of those nights. "_Please let Alaska help_." she thought as she drew the covers back and slid beneath the sheets.

"You didn't. You know that, right?" he stated, braking the silence that had fallen between them and taking another swallow of the amber liquid from the tumbler in his hand.

Jethro quirked an eyebrow at him. "Didn't what?"

"Fail them. There's no way you could have known."

"You heard back from Sara at all?"

Gil chuckled. "Subtle subject change Jethro, very smooth."

Gibbs shrugged and drained the Bourbon from his glass. "Have you?"

Grissom suddenly found his shoes very interesting. "No."

"You should call her again."

"She'll call me back when she's ready."

"You giving up?" Jethro pushed.

"No! I just - I - I don't know." Grissom sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "Maybe she doesn't want this anymore - me anymore."

"From what you've told me, Sara doesn't sound like the type of woman to make that kind of decision and not have the decency to tell you."

"Maybe she doesn't want to hurt me."

"Maybe you should stop projecting."

He laughed outright and looked up at Jethro with amusement. "Projecting? Alright, Dr. Phil."

Gibbs shrugged and refilled their glasses. "Just saying."

"Maybe." Grissom took another drink. "How are Ducky and the team?"

Gibbs fell silent, staring into his glass.

"You have talked to them since you've been here right?" Gil waited. "Jethro? You haven't, have you?"

"Don't know what to say." he grumbled.

"Hi is a customary opener."

Gibbs huffed. "Yeah. Don't think that's gonna cut it this time. They deserve better."

"They deserve something. You gotta start somewhere."

"Now who's playing Dr. Phil?"

"Yeah, well..."

Silence reined in the room once more.

TBC...


	6. The Big C

And as promised...Chapter 6.

"We have enough time, Gilbert! Stop being a nag!"

"I'm just saying I think we should have started earlier today to give ourselves some cushion."

Jethro shook his head and cracked his neck. "First of all, your the ugliest damn wife I ever had."

Grissom grinned, sarcastically shooting back, "Well, the sex is great so..."

Not missing a beat, "I've had better." He suppressed a laugh when Grissom slapped his hand over his heart. "Second, if we'd started any earlier we'd have been working on the roof in the dark."

Grissom sniffed. "You told me I was the best."

This time he did laugh. "Would you shut up!" Grissom sniffed again for good measure. "And third, we have more than enough time to finish this and get to the airstrip in time to pick them up. In fact, we can probably get the inside cleaned up a little more too. The airstrip is only a mile away.

"I guess I'm worried about him."

"It'll be fine."

"So you're not worried."

A quick shrug and a "Nah" was all he got.

"Not even a little? Like why does Nora sound like she doesn't want to be here but she has no choice or why Bo is trying to sound like he doesn't care when we both know that he values Nora's opinion more than that or..."

"I wasn't aware we had an appointment today Dr."

"Why do you feel it's necessary to pretend like your not the least bit worried?"

"Who says I'm pretending?"

"Mm-hm"

"Let's get this done so we can get inside."

"Yes dear." Grissom said with a grin before handing him a shingle.

Nora gazed out of the jet's window at the vast water below. It was gorgeous and she wondered if Bo was enjoying the scenery at all. He'd been quiet the whole trip but he seemed to be relaxing more as the miles stretched out before them. She was looking forward to seeing Gil and Jethro again. It had been years since they'd all been together. The easy camaraderie between the three men had a way of putting her at ease. She remembered the first time she met them. Gil had been very polite and Jethro was quiet but pleasant. She hadn't known quite how to take either one of them at first but then as the night had progressed and the beers loosened them up, she found that they both had a great sense of humor. She guessed not many people saw it and she was pleased that they felt comfortable enough to let her see it. "Are you excited?" she asked her husband.

"It will be good to see them. Been awhile." He wore a slight grin, less than she had hoped for but it was better than nothing. Maybe he would be more animated when they actually joined their friends. She could only pray.

Tony shut the door and locked it before tossing his keys onto the counter. He could hear splashing water and giggles coming from down the hall. Bath time. He slid out of his jacket and hung it up, making his way down the hall. Abby was up to her elbows in suds while Ben laughed and splashed amongst a myriad of toys. Tony leaned against the door frame and chuckled from deep in his chest; his recent date a mere ghost of a memory. "It looks like we're going to need more than just one towel, Aunt Abby."

Abby's pig tails whipped around in his direction. "Hey, Tony! You're home early. What are you doing here?"

"Eh, nothing to write home about. Decided to come home in time to tuck my boy in." Tony crept across the floor with his hands high in the air, making the toddler laugh and squeal. Abby leaned close as he came up beside her. She whispered low enough that only Tony would hear.

"Usually you stay long enough to tuck the lady in."

"New priorities, Abs. More important." he smiled, laying a quick peck to her temple before he scooped the boy out of the water and into a towel in Abby's waiting arms.

Twenty minutes later, after a story was read and Ben slept soundly, Abby curled up on the couch beside Tony.

"Sooo, wanna tell me why you really came home early?"

Tony fixed her with a look of innocence. "I told you already, I wanted to tuck Ben in."

"Maybe, actually, I believe that. But - I don't believe that's the only reason. Wasn't she attractive?"

Tony stretched his feet out in front of him. "She was attractive. Blond. Leggy. Really nice rack. Very - VERY - handsy." Tony waggled his eyebrows.

"Okaaay...so what was the problem? Sounds like your kind of woman. You like handsy." Abby pinched his side.

"And after tonight?" He shook his head, realizing he was giving a lot away but he trusted Abby and he was so tired of keeping up the playboy act. At one time it was his MO. At one time he loved dating different women, liked it even better when he got a chance to get them into bed. Tony was no sleaze. He respected women, treated them right. He just hadn't been ready to settle down. He was young and he wanted to have fun. He never let them believe he wanted anything more and if they weren't alright with that then he had no problem parting on good terms.

Things had changed after Jeanne. That was one undercover op in which he knew it wasn't only the mark that had been played. He'd ended up playing himself. He'd fallen in love and then he'd had to walk away. Not that she ever would have forgiven him; she made it abundantly clear that she hated him. And why shouldn't she...he had ended up hating himself. Dating after that had seriously lost its luster. But sometime last year, he'd started to regain some of his mojo. True, his dating "mission statement" had changed. He was looking for something a little more mature, even a little more long term but he was not opposed to the hot body warming his bed for brief periods of time either if that was all he was being offered. But after a few months of that, he started to miss the point. It started feeling empty. That had solidified after he'd gotten Ben. For reasons he didn't exactly understand, he wanted more.

"After tonight what?" Abby asked. And then suddenly her eyes widened. "You - you want - oh my gosh, Tony! You want the big C!"

"No Abs, the big C was what I was getting."

Abby slapped his arm in an attempt to look disgusted by his crude humor. "Not that C. The "real" C. You want a commitment, don't you?"

Tony's eyes darted around the room, finally resting on his knees.

"You do. Anthony DiNozzo wants the real thing."

"I want to be in love Abs. I wanna love somebody and have them love me back; for once. Yeah, I want something real."

TBC...


	7. Under One Roof

**For those of you who are NCIS fans, I'd like to apologize. I know in the beginning I asked all of you to suspend the timeline you know for this story but I realized a few days ago that I totally moved Tony/Jeanne and the Le Greanille storyline way ahead, so yeah...if you can just pretend that somehow happened with Gibbs present but unaware of the secret Op BEFORE he lost his memory -thanks :)**

The suburban bounced along the rutted road toward the airstrip.

"I hope their flight was okay." Gil broke the silence.

Gibbs grunted in response, causing Gil to chuckle.

Gibbs cast him a glancing look. "What?"

"You and your neanderthal communication."

"Neanderthal?"

Gil grunted and beat his chest for good measure.

"Asshole."

Gibbs maneuvered the suburban around a particularly large pothole and turned onto the airstrip. The gleaming jet was taxi-ing to a stop a quarter mile ahead of them. "See. Told you we had plenty of time."

"Barely." Gil baited lightly.

"Asshole." Gibbs mumbled again as they climbed out of the truck.

"Have a wonderful trip, Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan." The pilot offered as he opened the door to the Buchanan Enterprises private jet. "Can I give you a hand, Mr. Buchanan?"

"No!" Bo griped defensively. He caught the look from his wife and softened his tone. "Thank you, Dale. Getting stronger every day." He gave the man a forced smile.

"Indeed, sir."

"I wouldn't mind a hand, Dale. These mobile staircases always make me feel like they're going to roll away at any minute."

Dale Winthrop smiled and extended his hand. "Miss Renee' has said the same thing on numerous occasions, ma'am. Never had a runaway yet."

Bo kept his eyes on each step and concentrated on not falling on his face and ignoring the eyes glued to him. When he reached the bottom, a worn pair of desert issue combat boots appeared in his line of sight.

"About time Buchanan. Thought we were gonna have to go out for sandwiches waitin' on your slow ass."

"See now, Jethro, I'm impressed you remember my name, so I'm going to let that slide."

Cobalt blue met cobalt blue as the two friends locked eyes, grins breaking out on their faces.

Treating it as an every day thing, Gibbs skirted the cane in Bo's hand and engulfed his friend in a hug.

Nora and Gil exchanged wordless hello's over their shoulders. Gil noted the tension filled look leave Nora's eyes and he wondered again just how bad things had gotten for the couple. He dismissed it, opting to try and draw the carefree moment out as long as possible. That look, brief as it had been, told Gil that Nora needed a break.

"A physical impairment and a memory loss shot. Can't either of you ever just say hello?" Grissom scolded playfully, drawing his companions attention.

Jethro smirked. "The little wife. Nag, nag, nag."

"Screw you, Leroy!" he huffed, moving around him to embrace Bo. "Glad you're here, buddy."

Bo clapped the larger man soundly on the back. "Don't worry about him, Gilbert, I heard he's high maintenance."

Gibbs snorted behind them. "You two keep it up. I'll just grab the bags and this gorgeous little beauty and leave your raggedy behinds here to walk home." He picked up two of their bags and propped an elbow gallantly toward Nora. "Madame, shall I show you to your carriage?"

Nora laughed and leaned up to kiss Gibbs' cheek. "Thank you, sir, you may." Looping her arm through his she followed him to the suburban.

Dale had already taken a few bags to the vehicle as they were exchanging greetings and tipped his hat as he re-boarded the jet. Gil picked up the remaining suitcase and turned to Bo. The tarmac was relatively smooth and even but he knew Bo hadn't been using the cane very long. That, coupled with the lengthy flight made him worry about how strong Bo was feeling right now.

"You good?" he asked, glancing at the cane.

"Yeah." Bo answered.

"You're sure?"

Bo caught the second glance at the cane and struggled to reign in the angry response he felt coiling in his gut. "Why? You gonna carry me and get us both in trouble with the wives?"

Gil chuckled, shaking his head and started forward. He hadn't missed the darkened glint that had passed in his friend's eyes a moment before. "Nah, he's a big enough pain in the butt without giving him more ammo."

Gibbs was just finishing up the grand tour of the main lodge. He'd shown them the three guest cottages, including the two that he was keeping aside as living quarters for himself and hopefully Gil. They ended on the observation deck, coffee in hand, while the sun dipped low on the horizon.

"My plan is to finish up renovations of the main lodge and then move on to the guest cottages."

"What are your plans for the guest cottages?" Nora asked, taking a seat beside Bo.

"For starters, we'll build on and include a full bathroom suite. Other than that, just some touch ups here and there. I want to keep the same feel that it has."

"I think that's a good choice. It has a very warm feeling but still rustic. Adding the bathroom suite should do a lot to strengthen female satisfaction." She grinned. "What will you do with the old shower facilities?"

"I'll keep them for now. See if they prove to be useful at all. If not, we can tear them down later."

"We talked about doing it now but thought it might prove to be useful. For instance, if a large family or group are occupying the cottages and they find it more time conservative to utilize both, it may serve to boost satisfaction rates." Gil added.

"It also shows that while you intend to maintain the history and foundation of the place, you're not afraid to make improvements and change with the times for the convenience and satisfaction of your clientele. It's an excellent business move, guys." Bo quipped.

Gibbs smiled and swatted Gil's shoulder with the back of his hand. "Told ya we needed him."

Grissom threw his hands up. "At what point did I argue with you?!"

Nora laughed at their banter. It felt so good to have something else to focus on. Not to mention that Bo had actually started to relax a little. He was still very tense whenever anything called attention to his injury or when he started to tire, but he had smiled more...and really laughed a few times. He'd sounded strong and confident when he'd called their attention to the business aspect of the remodeling plans. Just now as she looked at him, watching his friends, his smile reached his eyes. Oh, thank you God.

"Now, you guys want to see one of the major selling points that attract people to this place year after year?" Gibbs asked, his infamous half grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"You mean other than the incredible view and this gorgeous lodge?" Nora questioned.

Gil and Gibbs smiled, nodded and pointed over Bo and Nora's shoulders.

The couple turned toward the shoreline. From the observation deck of the lodge, there was a perfectly unobstructed view of Raspberry Island Straight.

"Oh my -" was all she managed beside Bo's "Wow, you don't see that everyday."

Walking along the shoreline, under the setting sun, was a Kodiak brown bear. Three cubs trailed behind her.

No one spoke as they watched the family until they disappeared into the brush at the far end of the shoreline.

"That," Nora breathed, "was incredible."

"Wait until you see the whales breech the straight." Gil grinned.

Nora caught Bo's eye. "I think you were right. This was absolutely the right idea."

"Come on. Let's go inside and get something to eat. I don't know about you all, but I'm starving."

TBC...


End file.
